Estrogen

Proverbs 2 Verse 10 and 11

For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul, discretion will protect you and understanding will guard you." 

It is my personal belief that hormones are partly to blame for my diagnosis. Of course having the gene helps to but I also feel the hormone factor plays a huge role.  I have always struggled with my hormones. When I was in my early twenties I felt the start of my hormones acting a bit our of sorts. I felt more moody and tired. I went to a doctor and asked what I could do to balance out my hormones. Although no blood work was done to confirm my hormones were out of sorts I just knew. The doctor offered for me to take an anti anxiety medicine to ease the situation. I staunchly refused knowing that would not help me, it would only mask what was happening. I was hoping the doctor would give me some herbal recipes ideas on how to balance the hormones. No such luck. I guess I was considered a crazy hormonal female.
I was on birth control for almost ten years and it seemed to ease my hormones. I enjoyed being on the pill and did not have any major side effects. For the most part my hormones were pretty well balanced. Then I decided as I got into my 30s I needed to stop being on the pill. The reason, once I got closer to 35 I knew it would be time to stop because women over the age of 35 should not be on the pill. It is too dangerous.
I then went off the pill. Bad idea.  My hormones were out of control. I was experiencing such high/low days and/or moments. One moment I would be crying over a TV commercial and the next laughing hysterically about something else. I knew something was not right. When I ovulated it hurt to the point I had to lay down and keep a heat pad on my belly and I was very tired. I went to see a doctor and they did an ultrasound and found nothing. The doctor suggested three options to ease my hormones...the pill, meds, or have a baby. I chose option number three of course with the help of my husband. I did not want to go back on the pill since I was so close to 35 and I did not want to be on meds. We were excited about the thought of having an addition to the family. We were not set for a long while on having children but then life seemed pretty bleak without the option of having a child.
We found out we were having a baby pretty soon after, since my hormones were so high it was easy to conceive.
A few months later we had a little boy and it was the best experience of my life. I held him in my arms after giving birth for about two hours straight. I could not believe this little being was my son. I chose to breast feed which he took to quite naturally. The next few months were quite tough from then on. I struggled with my hormones. I was even more unbalanced then before which is normal after having a baby. I went to my doctor and asked her if I could go back on the pill, the reason is having the baby did not help my problem it made it worse. My husband was tired of my hormonal triads and I was tired of feeling like a loony person.
My doctor put me on a pill and it helped a great deal because it helped ease my ovulation. I then decided a few months before my 34 birthday to go off of it because I was scared it would be dangerous. The yo yo effect of having unbalanced hormones was tiring and there was nothing anyone could do about it.
A friend of mine suggested I go to acupuncture so I decided to try this method of medicine. The lady, Amorah, was amazing. She is a natural healer and the acupuncture really helped calm down my hormones. Until one day I had a discovery after a visit. I left her office and felt a very bad vibe throughout my body. My instincts told me something was very wrong. I looked up at the sky as I was getting into my car and a voice said to me, "You are going to die." My blood ran cold and I tried to shake my feelings off but could not. I never felt such a feeling before and the voice was quite real. I drove home and told my husband something was wrong. He ignored my worry and said everything is fine that I am having a hormone issue again.
I called my friends and brother and told them about the experience. I thought maybe the acupuncture lady was opening up a doorway and letting in bad omens. My brother suggested I go to a Christian acupuncturist. I thought about it but decided against it. My friend suggested that I talk to Amorah about my experience the next time I saw her and not assume it is something negative she is putting forth onto me. I decided that would be the best way to go. I needed an explanation. I decided to call Amorah and tell her about my experience. Her response, I had connected with my mind, body and spirit. When the three are connected they can help for me to understand what may be happening to my body. I still did not understand but I did learn that I had the ability to open the door to the spiritual world and follow the instincts told to me if I chose to. It was a choice. I did not want that choice, it seemed like something that would allow bad things into my life.
I was on the fence about seeing Amorah again. I continued on with my week and enjoyed my family. One day my right breast was hurting. I could not understand why since it never hurt before. I felt it and touched it to see where the pain was leading to. The pain was leading the outer underside of the breast. I felt a huge lump. I stopped and thought, "What the heck!" I felt it again. It was there no doubt about it. It had not been there before. I called for my husband. I told him, "I found something, you need to look at it." He had me lay down and he pressed on the lump. His face showed a look of concern. I grew scared, "What is it?" I asked him. He sat up on his legs and looked at the area and then me, "Not sure, when did you first notice this?" I was starting to panic, "Just now, I have never felt something like this before." He was quiet and then said "We should have that looked at, I will put a call into radiology." I remember the sunny day growing dark and my heart sank. I was in trouble. This was not good. I started to cry. He hugged me and said, "It is probably a clogged milk duct or something like that, lets not get ahead of ourselves." He reassured me. I knew something was wrong.
It ended up being very wrong, and my body was trying to tell me all along. It was breast cancer. I was apart of the pink ribbon group now. I was now going to face a fight like I never had to fight before.
It brings me to today, I am now finished with my treatments, except for my daily pill of tamoxifen. I am estrogen positive, now you see why I think it has to do with hormones? Plus the hormones made the bad cells grow quite fast since I had it while I was pregnant. Hormones will do that. They are a double edged sword you can't live with them or without them.
So about a month ago I saw my OBGYN. She had blood work done for my hormones although the chemotherapy had stopped my ovulation process. I went in to see her and she said I was quite healthy except for one area that was a concern, my estrogen was up and it was up high. Too high for someone in my situation. She felt my system was starting up again and we needed to stop it.
That same feeling of dread came over me. All that fighting I did now I have to face more fighting. Is this ever going to end? I asked her what we should do and maybe it was the meds that were blocking the estrogen receptors. She said she would call my oncologist to see what he thought we should do since he may have better research on the issue. Her options however, if my other doctor felt it was alarming were to shut my ovaries down for a long while or remove my ovaries if that did not help. I was stunned. More fighting. More trying to slaughter the beast keep ahead of the cells. I felt like David facing Goliath although he did win that fight.
I went home, called my cancer survivor friends and talked to my husband. All were not sure what to make of the situation. My husband thought it was the meds causing the estrogen to be high since it had no where to go.
My OBGYN called the next day and confirmed it was the meds and my oncologist was not concerned. She said we would check again another time. I blew out a sigh of relief. However, the feeling inside me did not feel right about how this was ending. I had a feeling something more needed to be done. I could not stop thinking about it.
One morning, I prayed to God about it and asked him to show me the way. I want to live and to please give me an answer.
That morning, after that prayer I received my answer. I was on my way to lunch to visit with one of my dear friends who is also a breast cancer survivor. I saw the car in front of me with a cross hanging on the rear view mirror. I thought of God and realized he is with me. When I see crosses it is a sign to me that God is near.
Suddenly my phone rang, it was my doctor, my oncologist. He was calling out of the blue a week after the discussion of shutting down my hormones. I answered hesitantly, "Hello." I heard him say to me, "Hi Dana Dr. Polikoff, do you have a moment?" I grew scared, what the heck was he wanting? "Uh, yes what do you need." He chuckled sensing the fear in my voice, "There is nothing wrong, I just wanted to discuss with you your hormone levels." I was still hesitant but intrigued, "Yes they were quite high, but it is because of the meds, right?" I asked him.
He paused and said, "Well, not sure, we need to consider giving you shots to suppress your ovulation, you had too many lymph nodes involved for me to look the other way." He went on to say and this really caught my attention,"My gut tells me we need to do this."
My doctor, the science research number guy never talks like this. I knew I needed to get that shot. "Ok I will do it as soon as I can." I said. "I will put a request in and we will monitor your hormones." I said ok and thanked him for being diligent.
 I did not ask him what changed his mind or why he called today. I knew why. At that moment I was getting off of the freeway and the car in front of me,  a different one this time, had a cross hanging on the rear view mirror. I knew God was saying that he was taking care of me.
The rest of the day was a blur but a miracle in the making.
That afternoon I raced to the doctor clinic to get the shot. God was working with me the entire time. I found a parking spot up front, that never happens, the elevator door opened as I arrived, with no one on board. I went up to the nurses clinic and they said I would have to wait an hour to even see if they had the shot. I almost decided to wait another day but then said ok to waiting. I ran into my husband who was at clinic, by chance, and we had a smoothie together while I waited.
My doctor, OBGYN called during the hour and said if the clinic did not have the shot then to go to her office to get it. She was happy that I was getting the shot.
I went back to the clinic and they called my name, the nurse turned to me and apologized, "I am so sorry we do not have the shot here you have to go to OBGYN." I was already out the door before she finished. I ran up to the OBGYN clinic. I was first in line, the receptionist called me over, "Can I help you?" She asked.
"I need to get a Lupron shot." I said and added, "My doctor knows I am here." The lady typed on her computer and said, "You are lucky we do not have walk ins today normally and we were going to be closed but a meeting was cancelled." She told me to wait by the door for my name.
I knew God was there with me.
The nurse called me and she was very inspirational. She was faithful and knew what I needed to hear. "Now the shot I am giving to you has a color on it so you know you are receiving the right shot." She said to me, "The color is purple so each month look for the purple shot." I knew God was with me, purple means passion of the Christ, my dad told me this when I was first diagnosed. He looks for it when he is searching for God.
I almost started to cry, not because of the shot itself, but because I knew God was listening. I prayed and asked and he answered.
I called my dad on the way home. He said to me, "You have had a divine intervention." I smiled, "Yes indeed I have."
Later that night as I was getting ready for bed, I turned on the TV. The news hour on PBS was on. I was about to turn it when the announcer said, "And today legendary singer Andy Williams passed away." I continued to watch, "He was known for singing 'Moon River' and we thought we would play it for you this evening." I froze. I got the chills. The song came on and "Moon River" was heard throughout the room. My grandfather who passed away earlier in the year before I started treatment used to sing 'Moon River' to my dad when he was a child. It was one of his favorite songs. I have had it play randomly for me in times of trouble. I knew he was near too. Thank you God and thank you Grandpa for watching over me.