i'm gonna love you through it - martina mcbride

#nowplaying i'm gonna love you through it - martina mcbride #lyrics @elyrics

Found this today and read it to my husband. He has done more than his fair share thru this journey with me.
I did not know this song existed until tonight when I turned on The Voice. One of the contestants came on soon after I turned on the show and she sang this song. I remember thinking to myself, this seems like my story. I decided to look it up and it was pretty much my story in a nutshell.
It has been a good day but some tough stories to hear about. The Angelina Jolie story has made me realize how lucky some can be when it comes to cancer. She was lucky enough to figure out she has a gene that could give her breast cancer. Although it is still scary and she had to still go thru surgery and change her body. It is not easy stuff. I am sure she was scared and thinking of her children.
I also had another story on my mind tonight that goes with the other. A kindergarten teacher at my son's school passed away yesterday unexpectantly. When I heard the news I was not sure if she was older or younger. Well, today I found out she was only 41 and was also pregnant. She passed away in her sleep. The school is terribly hurt and destroyed by this news and the children are taking it very hard that were in her class. I pray for her family and her students. This life is a funny thing. One never knows where they stand in it all one can do is live by their faith and try not to live in fear or try to control the universe (so to speak) because the universe is not ours to control...nothing is except to love our families and to laugh as often as possible.
I shared the lyrics to the song above for anyone who wants to read them.

Ladybugs

I have not written a post in quite awhile..I have been busy and have not felt the urge to write anything new. I went thru radiation treatments and completed them last week on Wednesday. It was an experience that made me grow even more in my faith and I also made new friends. My final day was a celebration. I gave my doctor a bottle of bubbly and my tech I gave a card with movie passes. The tech, Phil, made a point to be there everyday for my treatment, he also cheered me on thru the microphone since he could not be in the room with me. He cut out a hole in my mask for my eyes and nose so I did not feel claustrophobic. I got the best care! So on my final afternoon, I was sitting in the waiting room talking with a family I had befriended, their son is going thru 60 radiation treatments for neck cancer he is having a tough battle but winning! I figured the final day was more for me to celebrate, I did not ask my husband to be there however, he showed up surprising me with roses and a card. He sat and waited for me as I received my final treatment. It was wonderful. I remember hugging him in the parking lot and we were silent. This is it...no more.
On the way home he picked me up a ice cream cake, it was a lady bug shape. I had given cards to my docs with ladybugs on them too. A ladybug is a symbol of good luck and if one lands on you it is to bring you good health. I had one land on me one day not too long ago while cooking dinner in my kitchen. I immediately looked up the meaning and prayed it be true!
So my husband knew the ladybug cake would be fitting.
I have slowly regained my strength this past week, there are some funky side effects I am dealing with but just taking day by day.
I took my son to school yesterday and I was the worker parent, which means I am to help bring snack for the kids and to also help out on the playground while the parents meet for a parent talk.
The teacher Leslie told me that the day was a study on ladybugs and she had containers of them. I was so happy to see all the ladybugs crawling about in the cups. The kids were so excited about them too. Leslie came over to me at one point and said, "Ok time to let them go!" So we took the lids from the cups and one by one we watched the ladybugs crawl up and out of the cup. Each one flew away on its own. Leslie said to me, "there are a couple that are dead in there so we need to get rid of them." she dumped the cup and actually the ladybugs were alive! They surprised us by flipping over upright and flying away. I told her about how ladybugs have a special meaning to me and she teared up. What a great moment!
I am continuing my fight and living my life. Time to spread my wings and fly towards the future God has in store for me! God Bless!

Special Understanding

My final chemotherapy was this past Friday. I did not leave in victory nor did the nurse write on the bag 'Final Chemo' with a smiley face. I did however leave with a smile and a sense of peace, time to move forward.
I did not have even six months time to heal from the prior treatment and during the 'break' in between treatments I feared for the worse to happen. The worse did occur, it came back, and thankfully the Lord heard my plea for help because it is now gone.
I told my husband today, "I am DONE." My bones, muscles, brain and spirit are done. I want to now enjoy each day that the Lord grants to me.
Tonight, I held my son in my arms while listening to a soundtrack filled with piano music and birds. He rubbed his eyes and slowly drifted off to sleep as I cradled him like a newborn. I do this each night and some nights I baptize him with tears. I may not be able to run after him or take care of him every day like I had hoped to do when I first became a mom but no one can take away the fact that I am his mother. I have learned to let go and allow others to help raise him. He has formed relationships with other people and I believe this has helped him develop into the little person he has become today.
Who is my little boy? He is kind. He is gentle. He is devoted. He is goofy. He loves. I see a smile on his face as he greets me when I enter the room. He always wraps his  arms tight around me and says, "I love you." If this was not  a blessing to work hard for these past couple of years I don't know what it could be. A couple of years ago I was tired, a new mom,  I had a young infant needing all of my attention and I took it for granted. I was concerned with schedules and getting the house in order, which is fine to do however when one gets lost in only the timeline of a day and the thoughts are only on tomorrow there is a problem. The blessing I received from cancer and from my Lord is being able to realize this life is not forever. Our children do grow up, fast. We do grow old, quickly. The seasons pass like the speed of light. We need to appreciate everyday, every moment, every second. It is more than likely easier for those who have experienced tragedy in their life or for those who have faced death to understand this better than those who may not have. Why do I make this assumption? Because before I faced death I did not think about the moment I was in. I was setting my time up for the next day. I was the squirrel putting her nuts in the nest for the winter. As I scurried to get things done my infant son was growing up and my family was growing older. I did not realize both of my grandfathers would pass away in the same year as I faced treatment. A friend of mine would also face her demise and I would have to say good-bye to her as well.  In the mornings now I hate jumping out of bed and running around the house like a bomb is set to go off, I like to ease myself up, even with a two year old yelling 'mama' in the next room I still take my time. I say good morning to God and thank him for another day. I say good morning to my husband and my dog then off we go into another world filled with adventure and lessons to be learned sent from above. The most amazing thing to this too is that we still get to our appointments on time and my heart rate is not skyrocketing. It is a better way to live!

I believe the Bible also wants for us to appreciate each moment, as it states in Matthew 6:25-28 ' Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single house to your life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow? They do not labor or spin."
The point being enjoy life!!! Thank for the good Lord for each day!!!

The Best Words

One of my favorite people in the Bible is David and how his story came to be...here is a verse I heard recently in a sermon that I felt concluded my week,

"David said to Philistine, "You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied." This day the Lord will hand you over to me, and I'll strike you down and cut off your head." 1 Samuel Vs. 45-46.

I found out this week from a scan that was taken of my neck and other areas of my body that the Lord has answered my prayers and the prayers of others. The radiologist wrote down on his report that the cancer that was noted just two months ago on a scan in November is no longer visible. Of course, this could mean it is now microscopic and I need to move forward with my treatments to annihilate any of the cells remaining; however, this wonderful report given just proves what the power of prayer and faith can do for someone who believes. I will be seeing my doctor tomorrow to confirm the report and of course I am nervous that perhaps a mistake was made or maybe the report was read wrong, but deep inside I know the doctor is going to greet me with positive words.

I would like to share the best statements told to me in my life:

I love you. (Cj when we were first dating)
Will You Marry Me? (My birthday when Cj proposed to me)
This is my wife Dana (Being introduced as my husband's wife)
Here is your son, congratulations mama! (From the nurse just moments after my son was born)
Mama!!! (My son screaming for me from the other room)

And finally this past weekend the best thing I heard went like this...

My husband just got home from work and was sitting on our bed reading an article on his computer. I was frustrated because our son was not napping. I was also tired from the morning, I just had the scan and knew I was in for a long weekend of wondering and waiting. I said hello to my husband and complained about the napping situation. My husband listened and then said with a strange smile, "Your scan is good."
I was caught off guard, "Huh?" I said to him.
"Your report came back early and your scan is good." He said slowly with a smile.
I was confused, the scan reports take a few days how could it be back, "You are kidding around right? I asked, "You just want to have a nice weekend right?" I said smiling.
"No, since you were the first patient they were able to process it early." He said.
I was stumped. It was good?
"How good?" I asked skeptical, unfortunately when dealing with cancer you have to be cautious of all news.
"The cancer in your neck is gone."
I was frozen with shock. Gone. It had only been two months. Gone.
The best words I have heard in a long time, the cancer is gone.
Of course my husband warned me, "We need this to be confirmed by your doctors before we celebrate too much but it is going to be OK."
We hugged and cried and I was just shocked. The Lord had led me toward this goal. I was told by other doctors to not go into treatment and to forget about it. I listened to God and he led me toward this goal. If you read my previous blogs you will see the connection and how a miracle has occurred.
So tomorrow I will be visiting with my doctor. We will wait to see what his response is and then it is time to move forward.
The best thing was said to me after such a fight from both me and my family, a fight led by God just as God led David to fight a monster of a soldier, the cancer is gone. Amen.