Surviving

My treatments are coming to a close, final radiation is next week.  The past few months have been life changing to say the very least. I do not look at life the same any longer, I do not view it as a 'normal' person typically views life either. Once diagnosed with a life threatening illness all that is 'normal' is not. There is a new normal right now, surviving.  What is surviving? Well, I would say making sure all treatments have been taken into account, enjoying life to the fullest, believing in God and thanking Him for another day, learning to plan again, laughing, these are just a few of the things surviving entails.Also,  it helps to keep yourself busy and to get out and involved with activities. I asked one survivor how did she get back to life again. Her reply, "I had to work and that kept me busy everyday." I noticed when I am busy taking care of my family, in particular my son, I don't have time to focus on the scary 'what if' thoughts. Also, by the end of the day if I have kept up a pretty busy schedule I find that sleep comes easy. I do not need to take sleeping pills or any anti anxiety medicine, it is not healthy anyhow to pop a pill to ease tension. That brings me to another area of how to survive, God. Many have asked me, "How have you been able to get through this dark possibly hopeless period in your life?" My answer will always be, "God." I did have family, friends, medical teams, etc., help me but it requires strength to get up and face this Mt.Everest of a problem. I did not have such strength, until I opened my Bible and started to pray. It was the first day of knowing I had this terrible situation, will I live? Will I see my son graduate high school, heck will I see him graduate kindergarten? I was terrified. I had not turned to God really ever in my life in this way. He gave me strength. I read the Bible before bed at night and it helps calm me down and allows me to sleep. When I am in the car heading to radiation in the mornings, I talk to Him.
The other day I was leaving the house in a hurry, I felt like I had forgotten something. I patted my pockets and looked at my hands, had everything. I got into my car, but yet I still did not feel quite right, there was an empty ness. I then realized, I forgot to pray and say Good Morning to God. I then spent the next fifteen minutes praying to God thanking Him for the morning and the opportunity to get treatment. I felt a whole lot better as I arrived at radiation. I am not religious, I would say that I am quite faithful, you would be too if you saw all the things God can do, I am not one who is trying to convince people they need to believe, I have found thru this journey that becoming a Christian is not by trying to convince others to become one too, it is all based upon the relationship between you and God himself. I remember one night my husband, who proclaims he is an atheist, made a remark about my beliefs and made fun of the facts in the Bible. I kindly turned to him and said, "I support your beliefs, you need to support mine because at the end of the day when I pass on God will be the one standing before me, not you, and I need to make darn sure I have my ducks in a row before then." My husband did not have a retort. I have to say surviving without God would be scary, impossible, and just not a path in life that would help me be a positive happy person that I try to be everyday.
I start my new journey next week...no more treatments...only occasional doctor visits. The life of a survivor and not a newly diagnosed cancer patient. Time to rejoice and give thanks!!!